Reading People by Anne Bogel

     I know, I know. We're taking a break from my mini 'childhood favorites' series that I started who knows how long ago. Sorry about that. But I promise, the next book up on that list will be well worth the wait :) But you know, life happens and school is also a very real thing. I'm starting to get back into the reading habit. Also, along the way, I've discovered so many other good books that I want to share with you guys! (This process may or may not consist of me reading one book, and consistently purchasing more and more books that catch my eye before even finishing it, resulting in a collective stack of books that need to be read.) Come on. Anyone else do this? 

     Anyways, the book I recently finished will highly intrigue any psychology nerds out there. In Anne Bogel’s book, Reading People, she discusses the many ways in which people are different from each other, and how they all have their own personalities. Many complications can erupt due to this fact, like differences in values, skills, traits, etc. However, Bogel provides explanations as to why a variety of personalities/characteristics interacting and working together can be a good thing, and how each individual’s personality has something valuable to offer the world. She provides insight on how to better understand yourself as well as how to understand where others are coming from through knowledge of personality frameworks, and she gives thorough, practical advice you can utilize based on your results or discovering who you are. Through personal stories and extensive research, Bogel communicates how to be more empathetic and compassionate towards those who are not like us using knowledge and various tactics. She also offers helpful advice in terms of figuring out who we ourselves are, finding out what makes us tick, and acting from there so that we can grow and improve. Bogel uses all of this to help us improve our relationships with significant others/spouses, children, friends, and coworkers. 

     In her book, she explains that we are inclined to believe that there is a ‘right’ way to be, and especially if we are a certain type or receive results that we don’t necessarily like or agree with, we can tend to aspire to be like other people who possess qualities we admire or wish we had. However, we have to realize that no one personality type is better than the other; there is no ideal or superior way to be. Each personality type is equal and contributes something different and valuable to society. If the world was only made up of one type of people, or led by one kind of people, the world’s dynamic would be very unbalanced. Even though this personality type may contain many strengths in one area, they would be extremely lacking in another. Therefore, multiple personalities, skillsets, qualities, etc. are needed to fulfill certain roles and do them well. Not everyone can be everything and anything at the same time. It takes a diverse, colorful group of people who are actively working together to create a well-rounded society.

o         Bogel stresses that when typing yourself or using any personality assessment or framework, you have to be honest with yourself and assess how you actually are, not how you wished you were. It’s safe to assume that if you read or have read this book, you are trying to find more information that resonates with your particular personality and develop a better understanding of yourself. But if you are expecting to gain accurate results or put into practice information that will actually be helpful/useful or complement your personality, you have to ask yourself, “Who am I really like?” You have to familiarize yourself with what’s true about you, even if it’s uncomfortable. If you give false answers to obtain a preferred result, the information made available to you will never help you because it’s not for you. Even if the true ‘you’ possesses some less-than-admirable traits, that’s the whole point of the personality assessment! It’s supposed to tailor to who you actually are so it can create a personalized arsenal of solutions or ways of managing/improving on those things. 

           She also talks about how everyone has a preferred ratio of introverting to extroverting. You must ask yourself, which one do I do more of or lean towards? You should also consider how events or activities affect you and what thoughts, feelings, or actions result from those things. Doing this may help point out whether you’re more prone to introversion or extroversion. For example, where do you find solitude or where do you feel the most ‘yourself’? The external world of people or the internal world of thoughts? Where do you turn to most often? Do you find mental clarity and energy from spending time alone or after spending time with people? 

           After you determine this, you must learn what your balance is. Certain situations will drain you and prevent you from functioning properly/interacting with others unless you carve out needed time for yourself and do things that refresh your “fuel tank.” Consider what it is that makes you feel relaxed and comfortable. Making time to do these things periodically and setting aside time for yourself will energize you. This looks different depending on whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, and varies even more depending on the individual. 

             Bogel also brings up the five love languages, conceptualized by Gary Chapman. These five are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. Within these five categories, according to Chapman, is how we express our love toward others, and we each have a different or preferred love language that we resonate with more so than the others. We have a specific way we like to be loved, and a specific way that we naturally show love. Since we each speak a different one, miscommunication or misunderstanding can arise when we aren’t being shown love in the way we want/need, and we aren’t projecting our love in the way someone else prefers, either. Even though we might have good intentions and people have the knowledge that we love and care for them, the actual feeling may not be there. Which is a very interesting and thought-provoking concept to consider. So, Bogel talks about how to overcome these challenges and let our loved ones truly realize our care for them by telling us to implement our child/friend/relative/spouse/coworker’s love language of choice, and in return, let them know what your preferred one is. 

           Bogel also goes super in-depth about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, a test created by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Meyers. The test is based on the psychological theories and principles of Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. Its purpose is to determine people’s psychological tendencies and preferences, as well as figure out how individuals perceive the world around them and make decisions. This results in the creation of 16 four-letter personality types. There are 8 letters overall, which combine to form four pairs that each make up an aspect of your specific type. Your four-letter type is then structured in a very detailed way: your first letter, I (Introversion), or E (Extroversion), determines how you gain energy. The second letter, S (Sensing), or N (Intuition), considers how we take in information. The third letter, T (Thinking), or F (Feeling), explains how we make decisions. And finally, the fourth letter, J (Judging), or P (Perceiving) illustrates our lifestyle preference. Bogel lists each type and gives a brief description on each to serve as a quick reference; however, I found that these descriptions were very generalized and not as detailed as I hoped. Take a look at the following websites: Personality Growth, Thought Catalog, and Psychology Junkie if you want to go super in-depth. 

           Bogel also touches on a critical component of Meyer’s Briggs that many people fail to acknowledge: the cognitive functions. There are eight of those, and we each possess two introverted functions and two extroverted ones. While I won’t list and explain all of them in this review, I will mention however that the four functions that each of us have are listed in order from how often we use them; therefore, we have (in order), one that is our dominant, auxiliary, tertiary, and inferior function. The lesser-used ones come into play more as we get older and become more well-rounded. Studying the cognitive functions allows one to become more knowledgeable of the workings of their Meyers Briggs Type, and Bogel explains these daunting concepts in a way that is extremely easy to understand. Reading her explanations allowed me to grasp what I once found extremely confusing. This is why the MBTI instrument is probably the most meticulous, exhaustive framework mentioned – there is so much detail and you can probably read up on every aspect of your life as it relates to your type. Bogel does a terrific job of summing it up in a concise manner – she’s informative but succinct. 

           

           Bogel also mentions other lesser-known (but still relevant) personality tests that are less detailed and instead focus on one element of personality. For example, the Enneagram is a framework that consists of nine possible types, and each is supposed to reveal the negative traits or characteristics that each type is inclined to have. From there, an individual can figure out how to control and grow from these impulses. Another test like this is the StrengthsFinder, but it has the opposite purpose. Instead of analyzing what’s wrong with you, it capitalizes on the positive attributes of the individual or what one is good at, and then shows you how to build upon those strengths. 

           Overall, I feel like this is an amazing resource for anyone who wants to gain a bit of general knowledge about personality frameworks, as well as techniques for understanding other people better. Bogel combines humor and personal experience with logic to create an excellent introductory guide to personality. Her writing is easy to digest and relatable. Beyond this text, the reader then has the opportunity to take a whack at any of the personality tests described in the book, so that they can figure out their individual types and respond accordingly.  And of course, online research and other books can explain more in-depth concepts mentioned in this book. I will recommend this book over and over again, but especially to those who are intent on cultivating a deep understanding of others.